Moony and Lily's Glorious Plan
by Raquel or Kia- Schizo Problems
Summary: Remus and Lily start dating, to make their respective crushes jealous. But Sirius and James are stupid when it comes to emotions, so this'll be harder than they anticipate. Remus/Sirius, James/Lily. Two guys together! Homophobes beware!
1. Chapter 1

**I've been reading a lot of Wolfstar lately, so now I just ****_have _****to write some myself. Multi-chapter fic, not very long. Also, I don't own HP. **

**Kia- I wish I owned Remus...**

**Raquel-I wish I owned Sirius...**

**Ahem! Please enjoy "Lily and Moony's glorious plan."**

* * *

Being the two prefects of Gryffindor House, Remus Lupin and Lily Evans spent a lot of time together. They usually ended up doing their prefect duties at the time, and often required each other's help. Sometimes, while they were working in silence, Remus would start up a conversation.

These conversations led from the weather, to Quidditch (they agreed it was rather stupid), to favorite classes, and favorite people. Their conversations molded the friendship between the two, and Remus felt as close to Lily as any of the Marauders (except one.)

In fact, after a long conversation in the common room (while everyone else was asleep), the topic turned to love.

"Oh, come off it," Lily teased. " You _like _him."

"Lily, _shhhhh!_ Someone might-" Remus tried to say.

"Rem, everyone's in bed, asleep. In fact," she got up from her favorite chair, and shouted, "GUESS WHAT, GRYFFINDORS! REMUS LUPIN LIKES SIRI-"

Remus actually tackled her to the floor. With absolutely no regrets.

"Blimey, Lupin," The redhead groused, "It's like you don't _want _people to know."

"That's because I don't," the werewolf said, nervously eyeing the top of the dormitory stairs.

Then he got a sharp brainwave.

"Besides," he said, with a glint in his eye, "I'm nowhere _near_ as smitten as you. Now, what's that "gorgeous prat'"s name? Oh yeah, James Potter."

Lily turned as red as her hair.

"Do not!" She protested. "He's a jerk! An idiot! A puffed up little Porlock who thinks he's so amazing at everything, and that his eyes look almost golden when he's happy, and how his hair ruffles in the wi-"

She immediately cut herself off when she noticed Remus laughing at her.

"So what? Fine! Maybe he _isn't _such a toerag. But what about you? How do you think you're gonna snag Sirius? Almost every girl in Hogwarts is after him."

Remus shrugged, looking forlorn. "I don't know. He's never gone with them, has he? He always seems to ignore them...so maybe..."

His eyes lit up.

"What is it, Remus?" Lily asked. "I've seen that look before on James, right before something explodes."

"What if," he turned to his friend, with a crazy grin, "we made them _jealous_?"

-(Happy cow, happy cow will be a line break)-

At first, the idea seemed ridiculous. It was all right for Lily- after all, James would go ballistic when _anyone_ got too close to her.

But it posed several challenges for Remus. First of all, what if Sirius didn't care? What if he was just like, "Oh, good for you, mate" and wasnt jealous at all?

Plus, Remus liked _blokes_. Dating a girl would feel weird. Especially Lily, who was like a sister to him.

But, they could at least try. After all, what did they have to lose. They decided on the next morning to commence the operation. Then, they both went to bed.

They'd need all the sleep they could get.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry about the wait, people who bothered to read this. I didn't plan on it taking so long. I don't own Harry Potter, which will come a huge shock, I'm sure. **

**Lastly, I have a rant. I hate it when people say English isn't their first language as an excuse. I understand if it is true, but I see it so much that I know it's a lie 90% of the time. I know people who are learning English or know English as a second language, and their speaking is basic at best. I know almost FOR SURE most people use it as a cop-out for any mistakes. Just stop it. Please.**

**And now the story.**

* * *

Remus Lupin was not a morning person.

Most people (meaning everyone) learned early on to NEVER, under any circumstances, wake the werewolf before 8. EVER. EEEVVVVEEERRR. Unless they wanted their toes ripped off.

Which is precisely why Sirius Black did it all the time.

As far as Remus could tell, his raven-haired friend simply liked the challenge. Doing brave things no one else would do, for attention and the thrill.

Or maybe he was just stupid.

"Good morning Remmy!" Said boy shouted cheerfully, ignoring all death glares and curses sent his way. He grinned and slid out of the headlock with ease, and laughed at the attempts to break his various limbs.

Honestly, though, Remus didn't find waking up to Sirius's voice and friendly smile. There were certainly worse ways to wake up. Still, Sirius didn't have to know that.

"Geroff, Padfoot...I SAID GEROFF!"

Padfoot somersaulted off the bed and on to the floor.

"See you at breakfast!" He called, still rolling toward his four-poster with amazing agility.

Remus sighed. Where his crush found all that energy, he'd never know.

Then he remembered the plan from last night. He groaned, and buried his head into his pillow.

This was going to suck.

.oO0Oo.

After a lovely breakfast of kippers and waffles (1), Remus headed to Herbology with Lily. It was one of the few classes they had together, so now was the perfect time to polish the finer details of their plan.

"OK, so, I think it should start with mistletoe in the common room doorway," Lily said as they wrangled the Venomous Tentacula.

"We're nowhere near the holidays," Remus said patiently, grabbing the feelers and wincing, "And I don't want to wait that long."

"Well, what's your brilliant idea? And for goodness sake, put gloves on first!" Lily added.

"I don't know," Remus said, a little perplexed, "We just say, 'we're dating', and be done with it?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Boys are so thick! You have to start a relationship with something dramatic, like a mistletoe kiss or-"

A lightbulb practically hovered over her head. Meanwhile, Remus managed to get some gloves on without the Tentacula strangling him.

"Oh, commeer, Remus, let me," she said distractedly, and easily got the Tentacula to stop moving and removed its seeds.

"Well?" The golden-eyed boy whispered. "What are you thinking?"

Shen grinned. "We kiss," she said, " by _accident."_

__The idea sounded stupid at first, like something a drooling fangirl would think up. But Remus had no better ideas, and the overall act seemed simple enough.

All Lily had to do was drop her books entering the portrait hole, Remus would rush up to help her and they would "accidentally" kiss. Both of them were reasonably good actors, and after practicing a few times, they were sure they could do this without it looking very obviously staged.

At 8:00, they sprung their plan.

.oO0Oo.

_Sirius's POV_

Sirius and James were both writing an exam for potions (neither were actually trying hard at it nor paying attention), when Remus and Lily walked in through the portrait hole. Sirius recieved an elbow to the ribs.

"Eh, Padfoot, look who's coming," James said, sporting a crooked grin.

"Look for yourself," Sirius replied boredly. "Isn't that Evans I spy? Walking with, _gasp, _another male? Go castrate him. On second thought, don't, or I might have to castrate you-"

"Shut up and watch." Sirius looked up, just in time to see Lily drop her books everywhere.

"Yeah. So..." He voice dragged off as Remus kissed Lily. He blinked. They were still doing it. He rubbed his eyes. They were still at it, a little more..._intimate_ than before. He simply couldn't process.

Remus. Was. Kissing. Lily. Evans.

And enjoying it immensely, too, considering how long they'd been at it.

He turned to see James, whose jaw had taken permanent residence on the floor.

"OI!" He called, red in the face. The two prefects looked up, blushing.

"I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR-" "THROAT OUT, EVANS!" Sirius finished before James could. He too, was furious. James turned on him.

"Evans?!" He scream/shrieked. "Lily is not to blame here! It's Moony who-"

"Was defenseless to that stupid girl's lip attacks! Yes, I couldn't agree more!"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL LILY STUPID, YOU LOW LITTLE MUTT!"

"YOU MUST BE STUPID AS WELL, DEFENDING HER WHEN SHE'S THE ONE WHO'S SLIMING ALL OVER POOR REMUS LIKE-"

"IF ANYONE'S SLIMING, IT'S YOU, PADFOOT, DROOLING WHENEVER MOONY EVEN LOOKS YOUR WA-"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

And so on and so forth. They argued for hours and hours on end until both of them were so hoarse they could barely talk. Meanwhile Remus and Lily wondered whether their plan worked. Honestly, Remus thought, even if he had got Sirius jealous, was it worth the friendship between James and Sirius, the inseparable partners?

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(1) Do British people eat waffles for breakfast? I really don't know.

Love it! Hate it? Rather indifferent? REVIEW ANYWAY!

Or Kia will kill you in your sleep.

Kia- (smiles cutely)

Raquel- Don't try to call that bluff. Please. Bloodstains are _impossible _to get out of clothes.

May the ice cream ever be in your flavor,

Schizo Problems.


	3. Chapter 3

Ahhhhhhh! I'm sorry! I haven't uploaded a new chapter, in like, a MONTH! Sorryyyy! Wait a second. Nobody obviously cares, since I don't have any reviews. Never mind. (cries)

"Well, that worked about as well as a flobberworm marriage," Remus said angrily, stomping up to the boy's dormitory with Lily.

"At least Sirius did get jealous," Lily reasoned, "So he must fancy you."

"Maybe," the werewolf muttered, "But at what cost? James and Sirius have been friends since first year!"

"What we need is another tactic," Lily agreed.

"I've had enough of this," Remus said, "I'm going to bed and forget all about this. It's rubbish anyway."

During the night, Remus's dreams were as awkward as ever, becoming more and more embarrassing. He was very glad no one in the dormitory could perform Legilimency, because the weird dreams often ended far too pleasantly for Remus's liking.

But, in the morning, an idea had also sprung to life.

He cornered Sirius before they could head to breakfast.

"Hey, mate, about what happened in the common room..."

"I didn't mean anything!" Sirius's eyes immediately widened in alarm.

Remus feigned confusion. "What d'you mean? Anyway, I wasn't really in a relationship with Evans. I was just trying to make a certain person jealous."

"Who?"

"James." Remus really hoped this would work. "I thought maybe he'd, you know, notice me, if I kissed the girl he liked."

"Well, he noticed you all right," The dog snorted, "But maybe you should get his attention in a way that doesn't get you killed."

Remus looked surprised. "Aren't you shocked? I like a bloke. I like _James_, for goodness sake."

"Nah," Sirius said easily, "S'fine by me. Any way I can't help, just ask."

"Well," the werewolf said, with perfect hesitance, " Could...could you help me make him jealous? I mean, if we pretended-"

He cut off, looking at his feet. It was a stupid idea, Sirius would never go for it, -

"Sure, Moony!" Sirius grinned. "It sounds kind of fun, and I'm glad to help you out!"

And thusly, Remus J. Lupin's new mission began. Hopefully, with more of a bang.

REVIEW! Pweez.


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